Been blue, as many of you know. I appreciate the sympathies. Thanks y’all.
I’ve certainly been better but I’m doing better. It’s been a bit tough, complicated by a few things. For one, I’ve got what is for me a relatively intense teaching gig considering I’m still in classes. And I’m in classes. And I’m in a new academic department (I’m officially a larval historian rather than a larval comparative literate, to which I can only say hurrah, and maybe also “urk! when will I pupate?!”). I’ve been around the department a good while now but not official. This means some new faces and folk and new relationships or new quality to old relationships.
With all of the above I feel a strong need to keep an even keel, which means I’ve been trying to keep a tight lid on my emotions. Which really means trying to turn them off for stints. I realize this isn’t necessarily a good idea, but it still feels necessary. So my processing time for the miscarriage is slowed by this. I’ve talked to some folk about it on the phone, and talk about it with my wife a good deal of course, and a bit with the brother of mine who lives with me. I don’t think I’ve had an in person conversation with anyone else yet about the miscarriage. Will do tomorrow and Friday, cuz of what I’ve got on and who with. I’m prepared for that, look forward to it in a way, and am ready to change the subject when I find I’m ready to change the subject. Should be good.
Speaking of changing the subject, I’ve been doing a few fun things as well. For one, watching a lot of comedy. My wife found a bunch of Never Mind The Buzzcocks on Youtube. It’s been many years since I’d watched that, it’s great. And this is quite possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life ever. I like comedy. And comic books, and communism. If I weren’t so tired I’d do some poking around in the OED and make up a convoluted theoretical-etymological joke. I bought some new comic tonight, the newest Buffy Season Eight for one. Didn’t read it yet. Anywho, I’m into comedy. I would someday really like to take a comedy writing class, and a standup comedy class, and an improv comedy class.
Been on a big grindcore kick, musically. Mostly just Nasum though. They’re so good, and have little of the annoying/silly/offputting trappings of some heavy stuff that I like the sound of. I got their record Helvete. Very nice. I find the music incredibly versatile in terms of how I can use it. It can be captivating, like I can pour all my attention into it, and it can also be good background music (it’s sort of a blast of sound in some ways, almost like white noise if I’m in the right mood) for trying to read. I’ve got music that fulfills both functions, but very little music where the same piece is good for each of these functions. Been listening to this stuff a lot on my bike, good for motivation (I keep it low, and only when I’m an area that’s absolutely car-less, a bike trail).
Been biking a bit more, found in my new place it’s a faster commute most of the time to bike, and the exercise is of course good. Trying to bike to work at least once a week, sometimes end up doing more than that. Back in yoga, though I already missed a class.
Tried out an intro to bouldering at the gym, and an intro to rock climbing (with ropes and stuff). Those were awesome.
I’ve got a reasonably (or unreasonably) strong fear of heights so this is in some ways an extra challenge and in some ways extra exhilarating (I’ve gotten over this fear twice before when I’ve done a lot of climbing around on scaffolding and catwalks and ladders and such when I used to do behind the scenes theater stuff, it feels odd that it has come back after leaving).
I went again to the bouldering wall tonight and was much better. Last week on my first day I really was bad at it, didn’t really get anywhere. I’m still not very good at it, but I got all the way up the wall 2 or 3 times. That felt good. The folk at the climbing intro had a lot of helpful stuff to say. It’s a lot more thinking than I’d … umm, thought. Like a puzzle. And a self control thing - “okay self, push your hips close to the wall, lean your shoulders back, now shift your weight here, it’s okay don’t be nervous, remember what Ted said - do your yoga breathing.” And it’s really neat to be kind of high up in the air.
A student had loads of questions after class today, which is very cool, but I got to the bouldering wall afterward with only about 25 minutes till it closed. I was annoyed and almost didn’t go. Turns out that was plenty of time and it’s not like I climbed the whole time. My forearms are a bit sore as I type this. Nice to find an exercise that’s fun. And the folk who do it all look quite fit, I’d be keen to have that. (If it’s not arrogant, I’ve got somewhat decent calves and arms actually, it’s the blocky central section where the appendages combine that needs the real work, what’s it called again? oh right - torso.)
I’m signed up for an outdoor rock climbing trip in October (need to get back to the gym a few time before that to practice more, mostly practice the heights stuff - getting like 15 or more feet up most definitely accelerates my heart rate at present, I don’t want to freeze up, must practice that). First yoga now this, it’s been a few years since I’ve enjoyed some physical activity (and if I don’t count biking maybe like 15 years). That’s nice.
[Now what what that other post I wanted to write, I can’t remember. Drat. Oh yeah - what justifies folk getting paid to a) sell drugs b) write; will get to that later, too tired just now]