Homophone-ish, really. Puns I mean. More for the David Mueller files:
Did you hear the one about the guy who was all eaten up by wounded pride? He was a zookeeper!
A zookeeper! It was a pride of lions! He was eaten by a pride of wounded lions!
Actually, they were lions, seriously. They were lyin’s when they told me that story. I don’t believe a word of it. And I am not one to make that sort of accusation lightly. I know how serious of a thing that is. I’ve been accused of that myself, mostly by women in bars.
I see these women in bars and I’m like “hey nice shirt,” and they all look at me like I’m up to something and I say “I’m not hitting on you, I’m married, here’s my ring, I just like your shirt, I just really like stripes” and they’re like “don’t feed me lines” and I’m like “don’t feed you lions? what are you, vegetarian?”
And anyhow who are they to accuse me of lying? They’re the ones behind bars!
[If anyone can help me, I want to work in another pun here, about being the “mane man.”]
There’s not a clause in this post that doesn’t give me pause.
[Okay, not very good, but ya gotta love the spirit]
Comment by Eric — May 17, 2008 @ 11:18 am
I do indeed.
Speaking of claws and paws, that reminds me, that guy who died, it happened in Lyons, the guy was Claude to death. I’d feel worse if he wasn’t such a total crepe. The lion was put down afterward, Pierre thing.
Which reminds me - did you hear the one about the pig in Quebec who won the lottery? He cried “oui oui oui!” all the way home.
Comment by Nate — May 17, 2008 @ 7:45 pm
Still more…!
“I’m a history buff, personally. So I was really interested to find out that my great-great-uncle was friends with Robert Oppenheimer. They used to go out on my uncle’s boat at his cabin by the lake. Oppenheimer used to say he had to two passions - Fission and Fishin’! My uncle said Oppenheimer threw great parties too. They were a real blast! As the kids today say, they were the bomb! One time at one of these parties Oppenheimer had too much to drink. He really loved Manhattans! He got drunk and he started a fist fight with someone and then passed out. My uncle wouldn’t let the guy beat up old Robert so the guy called the cops on him. My uncle had to wake Oppenheimer up. He said ‘Come on Robert, up and atom! We gotta split!’ ”
Comment by Nate — May 25, 2008 @ 10:22 pm